Skip to main content

Why Men need to do more Kegals in case of Alien Invasions ! 👽🗿

 ðŸ‘• Elevate Your Style: Check out our exclusive line of shirts in collaboration with 4th Wall! 🎮

The Girls of Night City ! OwO

Greetings, Earthlings! Today, we embark on a journey that transcends the ordinary boundaries of fitness and dives headfirst into the realm of intergalactic hilarity. Picture this: you’re minding your business on a lazy Sunday afternoon, and suddenly, little green men decide to drop by for a visit. What’s a man to do in the face of an alien invasion? The answer, my friends, lies in the uncharted territory of Kegel exercises. Clenching your cheeks can help us push back on these invaders ! Over on my channel we have been practicing all month! 


The Men’s Galactic Defense Treaty Unveiled


In a moment of interstellar inspiration, the men of Earth have concocted the Men’s Galactic Defense Treaty. Now, don’t be fooled by the word “treaty” – this is more of a comedic commitment to facing extraterrestrial invaders with pelvic prowess. Let’s break down this cosmic fitness manifesto into bite-sized, interplanetary nuggets.



Article I: Purpose - Strength in Satire


Why Kegels, you ask? Well, the purpose is clear – to tickle your funny bone while enhancing your pelvic muscles. The Defenders of Earth are on a mission to make the aliens chuckle (or cringe) when faced with our synchronized Kegel exercises. Also after this years UFO hearing, a lot of data has been revealed of our Alien’s obsessive awareness of the anus! Keeping your Kegals tight can be a safety mechanism and help your anxiety. 


Article II: Kegel Exercises Mandate - Muscles for Martians


Defenders, brace yourselves! The mandate is simple – weave Kegels into your daily workout routine. It’s not just about fitness; it’s about preparing your nether regions for the unpredictable forces of extraterrestrial gravity. Who knew the pelvic floor could be your secret weapon against little green invaders? Sitting at the office ? Clench them cheeks ! 4 sets of 15 reps ! Are you waiting for a date at the bar ? Kegal out beforehand ! Don’t go into a date with a loaded gun ! Need that final burner to finish off your gym routine ? Skip the treadmill! Sit down meditate , and Kegal out ! 


👕 Elevate Your Style: Check out our exclusive line of shirts in collaboration with 4th Wall! 🎮

The Girls of Night City ! OwO




Article III: Alien Invasion Preparedness - Flexing in the Face of Danger


Picture this scenario: aliens at the doorstep, and you, a Defender, boldly showcasing your Kegel prowess. It’s not just a workout; it’s a statement. Synchronized pelvic strength is our way of saying, “Earth is not to be messed with, extraterrestrial amigos!” Anal probing has been known since the 1940s as the preferred method of data mining for our little extraterrestrial friends! Making sure your starfish if your and only yours to command a great anxiety relief. Data breaches of the anal kind are also not insured by most services, you got to protect yourself !  


Article IV: Infiltration Resistance - Kegels for Mind Control


We’ve all seen the movies where aliens try to mess with our minds. Fear not! Through the magic of Kegel exercises, Defenders are building a mental fortress. That’s right – a stronghold against alien mind games. Who would have thought that pelvic floor workouts could save us from mental invasion? Currently, Elon Musk is working on internal system (called PLUGS) that could be inserted into our bodies to help as an added benefit and defense I care of starfish breach. Until this tech is allowed on  the open market though, your best bet is your daily Kegal regiment. Your family and friend will thank you. 




Article V: Mutual Support and Encouragement - Because We’re in This Together


Defenders, unite! Share your Kegel conquests, and let the world know that you’re not alone in this cosmic comedy. Group Kegel sessions are not just for fitness but also for fostering camaraderie. After all, nothing brings people together like synchronized pelvic exercises. Just like you pose for the gym, don’t forget to pose and share on the Gram your recent Kegal workout! Encourage others to seek the safety and deference this practice gives us. 


Article VI: Alien Diplomacy - Kegels for Intergalactic Handshakes


Imagine a scenario where we peacefully coexist with our extraterrestrial neighbors. How do we seal the deal? With Kegels, of course! The Men’s Galactic Defense Treaty suggests that our pelvic strength could be the key to inter-species diplomacy. Who needs a handshake when you can flex your way to friendship? Remember, the point of acceptance of aliens is simple ! WE ARE HERE TO CLAP ALIEN CHEEKS ! 




Article VII: Termination Clause - When the Laughter Subsides


In the unlikely event that aliens decide we’re not that funny after all, or the threat dissipates, fear not. The Men’s Galactic Defense Treaty can be terminated. But here’s the kicker – Defenders reserve the right to continue their Kegel escapades for personal well-being. Because why stop a good thing?


Conclusion - A Cosmic Comedy for the Ages


So there you have it, fellow Defenders – the Men’s Galactic Defense Treaty in all its satirical glory. As we face the unknowns of the universe, let’s do it with a wink, a nod, and a whole lot of Kegels. After all, laughter might be the best medicine, but Kegels are a close second in the cosmic comedy of life. Until next time, keep flexing those pelvic muscles and stay cosmically fit!

Find me at:

Ko-fi : bruisedwayne 

Twitter : bruisedwayne3

YouTube : Gaming for Mental Health

TikTok : Bruisedwayne2

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Algorithm-Driven Addiction, the Social Implications for our Future.

The rise of sophisticated algorithms in digital content delivery has profoundly changed how we interact with technology. For many gamers, particularly women, these algorithms can create an environment ripe for addiction. As these algorithms become better at predicting and influencing our behavior, the potential for addiction and psychological harm increases. If left unchecked, this could lead to widespread mental health issues and a society increasingly dependent on digital content for gratification. **Mass Addiction and Job Failure** One of the most concerning social implications of algorithm-driven addiction is its impact on employment. As algorithms become more adept at capturing our attention, the line between leisure and work blurs. Gamers, who often spend significant amounts of time online, are particularly vulnerable to this. The allure of gaming and other algorithmically curated content can be so compelling that it distracts from professional responsibilities and goals. Please ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Leveling Up Focus: How Mindful Gaming Can Enhance Your Attention Span

By: Bruised Wayne. Every time I open my phone and see another short-form video queued up, autoplayed, and algorithmically dialed in to my interests, I feel the slight tug on my attention. Fifteen seconds here, twenty-five seconds there—nothing heavy, nothing hard to digest, just fast loops of dopamine in and dopamine out. It’s almost like my brain is being trained to jump from thing to thing, never staying still, never locking in. But here’s the thing: that reaction, that shift in my attention span, isn’t accidental. It’s engineered. Today’s digital media platforms are not just feeding us content—they’re conditioning our minds to operate on low focus, high frequency cycles. They’re optimizing for quick engagement and reaction, not depth or concentration. As a gamer who also cares deeply about mental health, I’ve noticed that this shift is more than just annoying. It’s dangerous. It changes the way we think, work, and even play. But there’s a paradox here. While most of the interne...
Post a Comment
Read more

Analyzing Overconsumption: How Learning to Play My Old Video Games Has Led to a More Luxurious Quality Experience and Mindset

In today’s fast-paced digital age, the concept of overconsumption has become a prevalent issue. As gamers, we often find ourselves caught in a cycle of constantly acquiring new games, gadgets, and accessories, without truly enjoying what we already have. I recently embarked on a personal journey of rediscovering my old video games, and this has significantly transformed my approach to gaming and life in general. This experience has taught me the value of a luxurious quality experience and mindset, grounded in gratitude and genuine enjoyment. **What Is Overconsumption in the Digital Age?** Overconsumption in the digital age refers to the relentless pursuit of acquiring more digital content, often driven by the latest trends and technological advancements. It’s the phenomenon where we feel the need to constantly buy the newest games, upgrade our devices, and expand our digital libraries, often without taking the time to fully appreciate or utilize what we already own. In the gaming world...
Post a Comment
Read more